Harry & Sally
This week has been very odd in terms of bizarre turns of events. If I'm particularly motivated, I may share more in a day or two, but regardless, a buddy and I met at a bar tonight (mostly to escape the harsh surrealism of what's supposed to be reality), to reflect on the truths behind all the strangeness.
Among stories of college conquests and defeats, and other similar stuff, we got onto the guys and girls as friends topic.
As much debate as there's been throughout history on this one, we actually got it figured out — it's not too complicated. This only applies to the unmarried heterosexual male with unmarried heterosexual female situation. All other combinations of those are much simpler, due to the extenuating circumstances (constraints, checks and balances, or what have you). Here it is.
1. For a guy and a girl to become friends, one must be attracted to the other. This doesn't mean that anything is bound to happen, or that one intends to be with the other immediately, but friendship alone usually isn't enough to motivate a friendship beyond the gender boundaries.
2. For the friendship to grow into a critical mass, one must be able to offer good relationship advice to the other early on. Which is the desired and which is the desiree doesn't seem to matter much at this point. The important thing is that the ability to have an "expert opinion" like this gives the friendship the validation it needs, providing a service that wouldn't be available in a guy-guy or girl-girl friendship.
3. At this point, the friendship has enough motivation that it will continue until the following very specific combination of circumstances happens:
a) The desirer (from #1) is single, and
b) The desiree ends a relationship, refrains from any fling with the desirer (which distinguishes this type of relationship from the similar friends-with-privileges relationship), and enters a new relationship with a person other than the desirer, the desirer having remained single, available, and willing the entire time. (Whether the desirer expressed his/her urges is irrelevant).
At that point jealousy and rejection get the best of the desirer, and disappointment and confusion the desired ("why does he/she care so much all of a sudden", "he/she knows we're too good friends to risk it on any kind of relationship"), and things just sort of fall apart, usually from the resulting lapse in communication.
Consequently, the way to sustain such a relationship is through one of the following patterns:
1. Only one person is single at any given time, leading to an alternating relationship pattern which can be sustained more or less indefinitely.
2. If the two do happen to be single at the same time, the desirer finds a new relationship before the desiree does. (Note that the order is very important here.)
3. In rare cases, if the desiree and desirer switch roles, the friendship is reborn, and the pattern begins from scratch.
Yes, I know — it's not the cure for cancer. It's something, though. I'm going to bed now.
Among stories of college conquests and defeats, and other similar stuff, we got onto the guys and girls as friends topic.
As much debate as there's been throughout history on this one, we actually got it figured out — it's not too complicated. This only applies to the unmarried heterosexual male with unmarried heterosexual female situation. All other combinations of those are much simpler, due to the extenuating circumstances (constraints, checks and balances, or what have you). Here it is.
1. For a guy and a girl to become friends, one must be attracted to the other. This doesn't mean that anything is bound to happen, or that one intends to be with the other immediately, but friendship alone usually isn't enough to motivate a friendship beyond the gender boundaries.
2. For the friendship to grow into a critical mass, one must be able to offer good relationship advice to the other early on. Which is the desired and which is the desiree doesn't seem to matter much at this point. The important thing is that the ability to have an "expert opinion" like this gives the friendship the validation it needs, providing a service that wouldn't be available in a guy-guy or girl-girl friendship.
3. At this point, the friendship has enough motivation that it will continue until the following very specific combination of circumstances happens:
a) The desirer (from #1) is single, and
b) The desiree ends a relationship, refrains from any fling with the desirer (which distinguishes this type of relationship from the similar friends-with-privileges relationship), and enters a new relationship with a person other than the desirer, the desirer having remained single, available, and willing the entire time. (Whether the desirer expressed his/her urges is irrelevant).
At that point jealousy and rejection get the best of the desirer, and disappointment and confusion the desired ("why does he/she care so much all of a sudden", "he/she knows we're too good friends to risk it on any kind of relationship"), and things just sort of fall apart, usually from the resulting lapse in communication.
Consequently, the way to sustain such a relationship is through one of the following patterns:
1. Only one person is single at any given time, leading to an alternating relationship pattern which can be sustained more or less indefinitely.
2. If the two do happen to be single at the same time, the desirer finds a new relationship before the desiree does. (Note that the order is very important here.)
3. In rare cases, if the desiree and desirer switch roles, the friendship is reborn, and the pattern begins from scratch.
Yes, I know — it's not the cure for cancer. It's something, though. I'm going to bed now.