Erotic Seduction
[Oh boy, am I going to get a lot of search hits from people looking for porn now. . . .]
After perusing The Art of Erotic Seduction, by Albert Ellis and Roger Conway:
"Perhaps I can find some young teenage boy to give this book to. 'Here you go, this is the answer to all your questions. Now with amusing clunky 1960s terminology!'"
"And he'll ask, 'Really? Are you a virgin? I'd sure like to effect vaginal entry with you in a gradual and sensitive manner!'"
"No! There's no dilly-dallying in the neighbourhood of my vaginal orifice!"
"'Even if I aim the penis at the anterior wall of the vagina, to capitalize on the area of minimum hymen thickness?'"
"No you may not! You must employ abstinence as a form of birth control if you'd like to sustain a meaningful or repeatable sexual relationship with me, young man! Which, of course, will constrain your erotic repertoire to heavy petting. . . ."
"'But that will most certainly reclassify my Unbridled Desire as Modified Desire!'"
". . ."
"What kind of term is that anyway? Modified Desire? Unbridled Desire is . . . exciting, and . . . poetic, and yet Modified sounds. . . ."
"Clinical?"
"It's such a nonspecific designation. Moderated Desire, perhaps, or Strategic Desire. . . ."
"Ooh, Strategic Desire — I want some of that, please."
"Yeah, see? But in comparison Modified Desire sounds altered or mutated — like a sexual advance from a man with artificial boobs sewn on."
"No thanks."
* * *
"Don't give away the book!"
"Why?"
"You're not allowed."
"Okay?"
"It's selling used for three hundred dollars on amazon.ca!"
"Oh my god! I only paid a quarter for it at a library sale! Alright then. The youth of Canada will have to settle for a different book."
After perusing The Art of Erotic Seduction, by Albert Ellis and Roger Conway:
"Perhaps I can find some young teenage boy to give this book to. 'Here you go, this is the answer to all your questions. Now with amusing clunky 1960s terminology!'"
"And he'll ask, 'Really? Are you a virgin? I'd sure like to effect vaginal entry with you in a gradual and sensitive manner!'"
"No! There's no dilly-dallying in the neighbourhood of my vaginal orifice!"
"'Even if I aim the penis at the anterior wall of the vagina, to capitalize on the area of minimum hymen thickness?'"
"No you may not! You must employ abstinence as a form of birth control if you'd like to sustain a meaningful or repeatable sexual relationship with me, young man! Which, of course, will constrain your erotic repertoire to heavy petting. . . ."
"'But that will most certainly reclassify my Unbridled Desire as Modified Desire!'"
". . ."
"What kind of term is that anyway? Modified Desire? Unbridled Desire is . . . exciting, and . . . poetic, and yet Modified sounds. . . ."
"Clinical?"
"It's such a nonspecific designation. Moderated Desire, perhaps, or Strategic Desire. . . ."
"Ooh, Strategic Desire — I want some of that, please."
"Yeah, see? But in comparison Modified Desire sounds altered or mutated — like a sexual advance from a man with artificial boobs sewn on."
"No thanks."
* * *
"Don't give away the book!"
"Why?"
"You're not allowed."
"Okay?"
"It's selling used for three hundred dollars on amazon.ca!"
"Oh my god! I only paid a quarter for it at a library sale! Alright then. The youth of Canada will have to settle for a different book."