Canadian Enough
When talking to old friends from back in the States, one inevitable conversation topic is, "So, are you Canadian yet?" After all, it's been over four years now, and most people assume I've pretty well assimilated by now.
It's kind of a loaded question, some kind of combination of "Are you a citizen?" and "Have you started going to hockey games yet?" But it's still a sincere one, I think, so I started wondering how Canadian am I?
Items marked with an asterisk are actual requirements for citizenship. The items without asterisks are not citizenship requirements, but perhaps they should still count for something?
☐ Memorized the words to "O Canada." *
☒ Sound good faking the words to "O Canada" at various public events.
☐ Own one of those square Robertson screwdrivers.
☒ Have gone 5-pin bowling.
☒ Have eaten (and like) poutine.
☒ Own a house in Canada.
☒ Can list all the Provinces and Territories. *
☐ Can list the capitals of all the Provinces and Territories. * (I think I'm only about 5 minutes studying away from that one)
☒ Know not to giggle if a barista asks "Skim, 2%, Homo, or Creamo?"
☒ Know who Louis Riel is.
☒ Know how to spell "neighbour" and "cheque."
☒ Have learned to ask for the "washroom" instead of the "restroom."
☒ Have learned to ask for the "bill" instead of the "check."
☒ Speak English.
☐ Speak French.
☒ Speak English or French. *
☒ Know the land area and population of Canada. *
☐ Worship at the church of Timbits and Double Doubles at Tim Horton's. (I don't think I'll ever grow to like Tim's coffee — it's nasty.)
☐ Have lived in Canada for 3 out of the past 4 years. * (They've got me on a technicality here — my pre-Permanent Residence time only counts half, so I've still got another 6 months to go.)
☒ Can name the first prime minister of Canada. *
☒ Have been to a hockey game.
☐ Have been to a lacrosse game.
☒ Know where to find CBC Radio 1, CBC Radio 2, CBC Radio 3, and CBC TV.
☒ Know the national capital. *
☐ Have visited the national capital.
☒ Own a toque.
☐ Have seen a beaver.
☒ Occasionally say "eh" at the end of sentences, when confirmation from the other party is desired.
☒ Know the structure of the Canadian government. *
☒ Can do without air conditioning in the summer.
☒ Know to look for Kentucky bourbon in the "Imports" section and Crown Royal in the "Domestic" section.
☒ Understand that all bacon in Canada is Canadian bacon. Know the difference between back bacon and regular (belly/rasher) bacon.
☐ Learn to like ketchup and salad dressing which are about four times sweeter than similar condiments anywhere else on the planet.
☒ Know that Smarties and Ruffles are chocolates, not tart candies and potato chips.
☒ Understand what Corey Hart, Bryan Adams, Loverboy, Kon Kan, and Glass Tiger have in common.
☒ Have read the book or watched the short film "The Sweater."
☐ Understand when to say serviette vs. napkin.
☐ Can explain Canadian culture without making any references to the US.
☒ Know where to recycle deposit bottles, paper, containers, electronics, motor oil, and batteries.
☒ Understand what T-slips are and what to use them for.
☒ Drink Red Rose tea.
☒ Know to ask for HP Sauce rather than A-1 or 57 sauce.
Anything I'm missing?
Edit: Updated to add some great submitted ideas. . . .
It's kind of a loaded question, some kind of combination of "Are you a citizen?" and "Have you started going to hockey games yet?" But it's still a sincere one, I think, so I started wondering how Canadian am I?
Items marked with an asterisk are actual requirements for citizenship. The items without asterisks are not citizenship requirements, but perhaps they should still count for something?
☐ Memorized the words to "O Canada." *
☒ Sound good faking the words to "O Canada" at various public events.
☐ Own one of those square Robertson screwdrivers.
☒ Have gone 5-pin bowling.
☒ Have eaten (and like) poutine.
☒ Own a house in Canada.
☒ Can list all the Provinces and Territories. *
☐ Can list the capitals of all the Provinces and Territories. * (I think I'm only about 5 minutes studying away from that one)
☒ Know not to giggle if a barista asks "Skim, 2%, Homo, or Creamo?"
☒ Know who Louis Riel is.
☒ Know how to spell "neighbour" and "cheque."
☒ Have learned to ask for the "washroom" instead of the "restroom."
☒ Have learned to ask for the "bill" instead of the "check."
☒ Speak English.
☐ Speak French.
☒ Speak English or French. *
☒ Know the land area and population of Canada. *
☐ Worship at the church of Timbits and Double Doubles at Tim Horton's. (I don't think I'll ever grow to like Tim's coffee — it's nasty.)
☐ Have lived in Canada for 3 out of the past 4 years. * (They've got me on a technicality here — my pre-Permanent Residence time only counts half, so I've still got another 6 months to go.)
☒ Can name the first prime minister of Canada. *
☒ Have been to a hockey game.
☐ Have been to a lacrosse game.
☒ Know where to find CBC Radio 1, CBC Radio 2, CBC Radio 3, and CBC TV.
☒ Know the national capital. *
☐ Have visited the national capital.
☒ Own a toque.
☐ Have seen a beaver.
☒ Occasionally say "eh" at the end of sentences, when confirmation from the other party is desired.
☒ Know the structure of the Canadian government. *
☒ Can do without air conditioning in the summer.
☒ Know to look for Kentucky bourbon in the "Imports" section and Crown Royal in the "Domestic" section.
☒ Understand that all bacon in Canada is Canadian bacon. Know the difference between back bacon and regular (belly/rasher) bacon.
☐ Learn to like ketchup and salad dressing which are about four times sweeter than similar condiments anywhere else on the planet.
☒ Know that Smarties and Ruffles are chocolates, not tart candies and potato chips.
☒ Understand what Corey Hart, Bryan Adams, Loverboy, Kon Kan, and Glass Tiger have in common.
☒ Have read the book or watched the short film "The Sweater."
☐ Understand when to say serviette vs. napkin.
☐ Can explain Canadian culture without making any references to the US.
☒ Know where to recycle deposit bottles, paper, containers, electronics, motor oil, and batteries.
☒ Understand what T-slips are and what to use them for.
☒ Drink Red Rose tea.
☒ Know to ask for HP Sauce rather than A-1 or 57 sauce.
Anything I'm missing?
Edit: Updated to add some great submitted ideas. . . .