If my home were bugged
On the Romanian dessert commonly known as "Bird's Milk":
She: What did your grandmother call her thing sort of like this again? A flotilla? Flotsam?
I: Junket.
She: I knew it was something like that. You know. A junk. Boat. Flotilla. What is a junket anyway?
I: Isn't it like a group of politicians on a trip or something?
She: Hm. Yeah. Nevermind.
On the Star Wars Gangsta Rap:
"You know, then there's the Yaletown gangsta rap."
"Oh? How's that go?"
"I don't know. I'm a yuppy, yo. Got accessory puppy. Lululemon pants and a yoga place above me. Something like that."
"Oh my god. Is that a real song?"
"No."
"Well, it should be."
On environmental consciousness:
She: I recycle everything. I'm the most obsessive recycler I know. I had it down to a science — maybe one small bag of garbage every three or four weeks.
I: And then what happened?
She: Then the DivaCup happened. It raised the bar on me. Now there are people producing even less garbage than I do. I was comfortable at the top, but now I have all this catching up to do. DAMN THAT DIVA CUP!
On phone sex:
She: How can you not be good at phone sex?
I: I don't know. It always feels silly, and then I don't know what to say, so I sort of sabotage it.
She: Show me.
I: Uh. . . .
She: Okay I'll start. I spot you from the other side of the room. I beckon to you.
I: What are you wearing?
She: It's a very sexy bit of lingerie. Red lace. I'm wearing it just for you.
I: Oh shit.
She: What?
I: I just finished.
She: Like finished finished?
I: Yeah.
She: You do suck.
I: I told you.
She: What did your grandmother call her thing sort of like this again? A flotilla? Flotsam?
I: Junket.
She: I knew it was something like that. You know. A junk. Boat. Flotilla. What is a junket anyway?
I: Isn't it like a group of politicians on a trip or something?
She: Hm. Yeah. Nevermind.
On the Star Wars Gangsta Rap:
"You know, then there's the Yaletown gangsta rap."
"Oh? How's that go?"
"I don't know. I'm a yuppy, yo. Got accessory puppy. Lululemon pants and a yoga place above me. Something like that."
"Oh my god. Is that a real song?"
"No."
"Well, it should be."
On environmental consciousness:
She: I recycle everything. I'm the most obsessive recycler I know. I had it down to a science — maybe one small bag of garbage every three or four weeks.
I: And then what happened?
She: Then the DivaCup happened. It raised the bar on me. Now there are people producing even less garbage than I do. I was comfortable at the top, but now I have all this catching up to do. DAMN THAT DIVA CUP!
On phone sex:
She: How can you not be good at phone sex?
I: I don't know. It always feels silly, and then I don't know what to say, so I sort of sabotage it.
She: Show me.
I: Uh. . . .
She: Okay I'll start. I spot you from the other side of the room. I beckon to you.
I: What are you wearing?
She: It's a very sexy bit of lingerie. Red lace. I'm wearing it just for you.
I: Oh shit.
She: What?
I: I just finished.
She: Like finished finished?
I: Yeah.
She: You do suck.
I: I told you.