Great Uncle Ionuț
Ivan: [knock knock knock, on the door to the office, where my wife's grandmother's canary is staying for the week]
Matt: Hey, now. What do you want?
Ivan: [knock knock. knock. knock.]
Matt: What, you think the bird is going to get up, open his cage door, walk across the room, look through the peephole, and open the door for you?
Ivan: [look of annihilating contempt]
Matt: Okay, okay. That was a joke. No. I'm not going to let you in there so you can leer at Ionuț as you lick your pointy chops.
Ivan: [blinks eyes in pleading gesture]
Matt: No.
Ivan: [penetrating glare]
Matt: I'm serious. Besides, he's family. Your bird cousin. You can't eat him.
Ivan: [raises an eyebrow]
Matt: Okay fine, great uncle, cousin, what's it matter. Either way he's not edible, right? Right?
Ivan: Sigh.
Matt: Come on. I'll open up the roof. You can sit up there.
Ivan: [grimace of deep contemplation]
Matt: You can watch the crows. Those birds aren't related to you. Eat as many as you want.
Ivan: [eyes open a little wider with a flash of hesitation]
Matt: Oh yeah, I guess it's not quite the same when the birds are big and fly down and peck at you, is it?
Ivan: Sigh.
Matt: I'll open the door anyway, since it's a little hot in here, and you can do whatever you want. [Opens patio door, and returns]
Ivan: [still standing in exactly the same spot]
Matt: Alright, how about if we go downstairs and watch more Buck Rogers on TV instead?
Ivan: [Excited gasp. Turns and bolts down the stairs.]
Matt: [to self] How long was I just having a conversion with the cat? [thinks, trying to recall the extent of the dialogue before I'd realized I was speaking to someone who can't really answer] And I have a whole week still before the wife gets back. Sigh.
Matt: Hey, now. What do you want?
Ivan: [knock knock. knock. knock.]
Matt: What, you think the bird is going to get up, open his cage door, walk across the room, look through the peephole, and open the door for you?
Ivan: [look of annihilating contempt]
Matt: Okay, okay. That was a joke. No. I'm not going to let you in there so you can leer at Ionuț as you lick your pointy chops.
Ivan: [blinks eyes in pleading gesture]
Matt: No.
Ivan: [penetrating glare]
Matt: I'm serious. Besides, he's family. Your bird cousin. You can't eat him.
Ivan: [raises an eyebrow]
Matt: Okay fine, great uncle, cousin, what's it matter. Either way he's not edible, right? Right?
Ivan: Sigh.
Matt: Come on. I'll open up the roof. You can sit up there.
Ivan: [grimace of deep contemplation]
Matt: You can watch the crows. Those birds aren't related to you. Eat as many as you want.
Ivan: [eyes open a little wider with a flash of hesitation]
Matt: Oh yeah, I guess it's not quite the same when the birds are big and fly down and peck at you, is it?
Ivan: Sigh.
Matt: I'll open the door anyway, since it's a little hot in here, and you can do whatever you want. [Opens patio door, and returns]
Ivan: [still standing in exactly the same spot]
Matt: Alright, how about if we go downstairs and watch more Buck Rogers on TV instead?
Ivan: [Excited gasp. Turns and bolts down the stairs.]
Matt: [to self] How long was I just having a conversion with the cat? [thinks, trying to recall the extent of the dialogue before I'd realized I was speaking to someone who can't really answer] And I have a whole week still before the wife gets back. Sigh.