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2006.02.19 Beer, eh
2006.02.17 Drawing a Blank
2006.02.15 Yeah, yeah, yeah
2006.02.13 Sea Slug FAQ
2006.02.12 She said yes.
2006.02.11 One More Step
2006.02.09 Reknown
2006.02.06 Glass
2006.02.03 For Rent
2006.01.30 Forty four dead stone lions
2006.01.25 Closed Caption
2006.01.24 Jane Called
2006.01.24 New fresh scent!
2006.01.23 If my home were bugged
2006.01.20 Home on the range, you knob
2006.01.17 Yarrrrr!
2006.01.13 Lappers and Nonlappers
2006.01.11 Dying
2006.01.10 Like crack. . . .
2006.01.04 Toque Scratch Off
2006.01.01 Draw 4 Wild
2005.12.30 Barrio Dark Side
2005.12.28 Sancho Panza
2005.12.25 Country Roads
2005.12.24 Rehab
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Lappers and Nonlappers
"It's cute that you put your napkin in your lap," she said, and I didn't make much of it, considering it both standard etiquette and not to mention an easy and effective way to keep one's pants gravy-free.

Then earlier this week, as I sat down to lunch at the same time as a large group of coworkers, I suddenly felt conspicuous as I unfolded my napkin. I began to wonder if perhaps this was weird, but a quick turn in the conversation diverted my attention, and I forgot about it.

Until today.

Needing to grab a quick lunch before a noon meeting, I found a small table by myself. Putting my napkin across my lap reminded me of my previous question. I began looking around. And looking some more.

Out of 52 people whose laps I could surreptitiously survey without appearing to be crotch-shopping, only 1 contained a napkin.

Is this an American v. Canadian upbringing thing? (Americans don't believe in dinosaurs but do believe in keeping their beans off their jeans?)

A Texas vs. all the less table-manners-neurotic places thing?

Come on all ye Canadians, Americans, Neptunians, what were you taught to do growing up? What do you do now? If you're a lapper, do you consider nonlappers less polite? If you're a nonlapper, do you consider lappers stuffy? Or backward and provincial?

I have to admit, I'm a little self-conscious now. It's fine for my girlfriend to think it's a cute habit, but I'm not sure I like all my coworkers thinking it's a cute habit. The social pressure for me to stop lapping now is fairly intense, but let me tell you, as soon as I wind up with a pocket full of salsa, I'm going to be upset. Just sayin'.